Once The Smoak Clears
by redlacedrobin
Summary: [Post 2x07] Felicity is left feeling guilty about making Oliver kill again despite him telling her that it wasn't her fault. After a phone call to Oliver she doesn't know if she can even trust herself anymore. Has she failed Oliver just like the creeps he puts away failed Starling?
1. Cries and Calls

Felicity faced the full body mirror in her room, grimacing at her reflection. _This was my fault… all my fault… _she thought silently. She moved her hand to her shoulder, gripping it tightly, a weird habit she picked up and did whenever she was tense. Maybe she did it because she felt like she was anchoring herself instead of running and messing up everything she's worked for. _I can't run away from it all or I'll make _more_ problems for him…_

"Why do I have to such a screw up?" She whispered to no one in particular. She pulled a strand of her blonde hair back, tucking it behind her ear. "I'm sorry Oliver…"

Nothing goes as planned, everything just shatters, and people end up leaving her. That's what people do. At the end of it all, no one's there, everyone she cares for is long gone. Felicity let go of her shoulder, taking a long, shuddering breath, blinking rapidly to see past the rim of tears threatening to slip from her eyes. "I can't do this anymore!" She screamed, slamming her hand on the reflection of herself. She turned her back to it, sinking to the ground, facing away from the mirror.

A tear rolled down her cheek, messing up her makeup. In next to no time, a stream of warm tears followed, trailing down her face. Sobs echoed through her apartment, while her face is hidden by her hands and tears drip down her chin.

She glanced up, her eyes darting to the clock, which read 3:27 am. In little to no time, she picked herself up from the floor, reaching for her cell phone that sat on her desk next to the clock. She punched in Oliver's number on her keypad, waiting for him to pick up. Out of habit Felicity typed the billionaire's phone number out, rather than selecting his contact, or even pressing speed dial. She does it to memorize phone numbers that are important, to challenge herself, and sometimes (in this case) she does it to distract herself.

It rang about 4 times before she heard the familiar, gruff sound of his voice, "Hello?"

"Oliver! Uh, hi…" She responded uneasily. Felicity didn't expect him to actually answer, and even if he did she didn't know what to say.

"Felicity?" He asked groggily, "Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying." The blonde could hear him sitting up in his bed from the other line.

She laughed nervously into the phone, "Me? No, I was just, was just, uh-"

"Stop. You're a terrible liar." Oliver said silencing her, "What's wrong? Do you need me to come over? Should I bring you to the mansion? Talk to me Felicity."

"I'm sorry," She started her voice trembling, "I'm the reason you killed the Count tonight. He deserved his death for all his faults, but I made you kill again, so I'm just as guilty as he was. I've failed this city Oliver Queen."

And with that the line went dead.


	2. You Can't Know That

**[A/N: Wow, I'm personally surprised with how well the first chapter turned out! But I appreciate every review, follow, and favorite so thank you for the support, and let's get on with chapter 2]**

Oliver was still holding the phone to his ear, despite the fact that Felicity hung up almost a minute prior. He furrowed his brow and blinked repetitively, trying to process what happened.

Finally he pulled the phone away from his ear and in a swift motion he dialed another number.

"Come on, please pick up," He silently prayed.

"Mm, hello?" A tired voice answered.

Oliver let out a sigh of relief, "Diggle, I need you to meet me at Felicity's apartment. I think she's in trouble."

"Oliver, calm down and explain a little. Why would she be in trouble?"

"This is serious, why the hell can't you just trust me? Felicity called me just a little bit ago, she's feeling a lot of guilt," Oliver answered darkly, and he was positive even over the phone that his driver could hear him grit his teeth.

"I understand that, but how does that require both of us to go…what?"

"Diggle, I spent 5 years on a damn island where you had to do unthinkable things to survive. When I was there I caused a friend's death, and his daughter's death, and so on. That guilt will chip you away, you should know that. But I learned how to put on a façade," Oliver paused inhaling sharply, "Felicity may not have killed the Count directly but she definitely feels responsible. She told me she _failed_ this city."

"Oliv-" Diggle started before being cut off, "You don't understand! She lost her brother at 16. Her parents blamed her and she slipped into a clinical depression and attempted suicide. Felicity takes 100mg of Zoloft every day. Once guilt gets into her system she gets consumed by it!"

Diggle's end of the line was silent, probably overcome with disbelief. Felicity being suicidal? The phrase didn't settle right. "I'll be there in about 10 minutes alright?"

"Good, she needs m-" Oliver stopped mid-sentence before continuing, "She needs _us_… And Diggle?"

"Yeah?" His raspy voice echoed.

The billionaire sighed, "I'm sorry, I'm…I'm just worried about her. I mean, if something happened to her…" Oliver didn't dare finish his sentence, instead he grimaced.

"She'll be fine Oliver," He reassured him.

"You can't know that for sure Diggle." And for a change, Oliver hung up this time. Pulling on a shirt and jeans he grabbed his keys and rushed to his car, begging for Felicity to be okay.


End file.
